Work, work, work, kids, kids, kids, and more work

I have 5 kids and a full-time job. Declan is six months old and my job as much as I don't like it has been good to me. I have been able to stay home with two of my babies and Joey for his adoption with the guarantee my job will be there when my bonding time is over.

I got hired there in July of 2000. Marysa was born in December of 2000. My office closed while I was on leave and I had a new job in a new office waiting for me when my leave was over. Mind you Marysa was only nine weeks old and I was only 25 I had a great paying job with great benefits waiting on me. Back then as much as I hated leaving my baby I had the drive to make sure she had every opportunity my parents gave me. They only thing she didn't have was her Mommy at home raising her.

Having Sonny two plus years ago coming back to work was really hard. After all I had this beautiful new baby and I had time to spend with Marysa, my dream. I got to see Joey turn into a different boy than the one I met and Tanner and I got to become friends. I stretched my baby bonding leave out with Sonny until he was 13 months old. Going to work a few weeks with my job and splitting it up with a few hours a weeks at a great job in Walnut Creek. When my time ran out I got lucky with a great daycare a few minutes from my work I could go spend my hour lunch with Sonny and it wasn't so bad.

Then I got pregnant. I found out in April 2008. Declan made me sicker than a dog. I took a lot of time off for morning sickness spending more time at home with my Sonny- Bun.

In December 2008 Declan was born.I didn't think I was going to be able to share my heart anymore but it opened up bigger and I fell in love with him.

I have five mouths to feed. A need for money to feed them and no desire to go back. I am trying to break my time up with Declan. I went back a few weeks in March and I'm back again for a few weeks now. All I can think about is how much I miss my babies. I wonder if Sonny in pinning for me like I am for him? If Declan is going to be like Marysa and need me to hold him all night long when I get home? Is Joey getting left out while the girls play? Are the girls even playing? How's my mom doing with my kids?

I'll be on my leave again in just a few short weeks. Full-time is waiting for me in the not so distant future. My heart already aches to be with my family and my efforts to work from home is getting smashed to bits in this economy. Once again my job is there for me when my time is up and my kids wont miss out on anything but their Mama home. Things wont be bad for them. I'll just miss them.