Cats

Ever since I can remember I loved cats.

I found my self living almost an entire life without cats.
We'll cats I got to live with.
I had Spade, in third grade he died. Instead of someone one telling me I felt an absence. I can remember feeling empty. Then run and crying out for him up and down my street until I was told he was killed my poison by a neighbor killing gophers. What the hell are people doing with poison in the suburbs? We live on top of each other and affect lives without ever speaking in scaring ways.

I found random kittens giving them away in front of grocery stores because my Mom had allergies.

I had an apartment with my first husband. I couldn't stand not to bring a neighbors kitten home. Two problems......... he was extremely uncomfortable with his allergies and the Mama cat would cry for her baby outside our door.
Then we had a house and a Tux moved in with us. The x wouldn't let mekeep him inside @night. Martinez swarms with Raccoons at night. They ate his food and he never came back.

I even told him I wanted a kitty for having to go through the crazy physical and mental feeling form my pregnancy with Marysa. He agreed. It was a lie!!!! No kitty.


My divorce.......Mike and Bob moved in. My daughter wasn't allergic thank God. The trained us to open the door, feed and walk them. Bob could chirp and Mike never lost his patience. I got married and Bob was stolen and renamed Gomez by a crazy man at the top of our hill. Tigerlily was brought home shortly after my miscarriage. She stalked Joey for blood. Crapped on me while I slept or in my shoes while I was pregnant with Sonny. When I brought him home she attempted to spray him then adopted her self a baby free home with a mother and old daughter at the bottom of my hill. Mike. He's my heart. I hope he followed his spirt to another good like. Unfortunately I fear the suburbs got him too. I still look for him 2+ years later hoping he'll come home.

Now I have Pumpkin. My unilateral decision. My friend. He's loved and is chubby from it. He's spunky and loyal. He feels pains and stays near to heal. A day plus ago he showed me what it will be like for me as a parent of a teenager. 4am he called me to come in. I just didn't want to get up. He's be fine an hour????????? No he disappeared. I could feel my heart tighten. War I am positive thought I was crazy. I called the shelter and sat at work all day going sick with worry. No Pumpkin when I got home. I'm dead to feeling anything bu sadness and having to do what was needed care for my family. Warren feed the kids. I sat by the window and walked my yard and driveway over and over calling him. Finally Warren takes my two Leger Pumpkin out to look. Calling him comes in side.
Meow! He's home.

I love my kitty. I'm a better person with him. Or at least inside I feel that way. I can only imagine he wasn't gone but comunicating a message with me. I not be lazy in my care for the ones I love most. That my 3 oldest kids maybe middle sized in elementary school now but soon will be teens. Doing things Pumpkin was doing........worring me sick. Heaven help me. Mama of 5 and future cat lady.