Not a Wicked Step Mother

Where do you draw the lines in your life versus your child's. I as a divorced and remarried parent am bent in all directions the old normal family would never have thought about. I have a step daughter whom lives with her Mother and Grandmother half the time, and my own daughter whom lives with her Dad and his girlfriend just less than half the time.

My heart has always told me to put my child first. For the most part I try to do that. I try to find the good in everyone but I'm also human and my feelings get hurt and causes pain seen or unseen from time to time.

As an example I am not a big fan of my husbands ex. I think she's kind of strange and we have bad blood between us. She wants to make my life with her child as hard as possible. I can say I'm not friendly to her in return. However I get along with her mother and time to time when Tanner is not with us she wants to have a play date with her siblings. That's fine with me. My kids are her family and I'm happy to make play dates. Her grandma is a grandma and has opinions and I do a lot of respectful smiling and nodding when we are together. The kids have fun then I want to go home. Here is a challenge of mine. Tanner asks if her brother Joey can come to her Mom's house and play. I have issues with that. I don't want him there period. It's hard for me to justify sending my child I am 100% responsible for over to my husbands ex-wife's house if she's there or not and be OK with it. However sometimes I wonder if I'm over reacting or not?

Another challenge I have a lot of trouble with is my ex-husbands girl friend living with him. Not because she's a woman and he's moving on, or another mother figure is in my daughters life. They have a one bedroom apartment the three of them live in and I think a young girl needs space of her own or at least her own bed not a pull out sofa bed. I brought this up with him and apparently he believes my frustrations with this situation is his girlfriend whom was a good friend of mine for many years crossed over to the dark-side.  I'm sure I have voiced my concern over the awkwardness of this combo. I can't waist energy focused on his relationships. I feel in the right focusing on my daughter needing space in her own home. Once again with all the messy conversations and relationships here my daughter needs to be first. I hug the girl friend and invite her in to see our chickens for my daughter.  Am I over reacting wanting more for my daughter or am I out of line since I don't live there?

Now I know a lot of my friends are divorced and all the situations are different. I know some that are open and friends with there ex spouses and some that exchange their children in parking lots to keep things neutral. For me I struggle with my feelings of being a Mother, an individual and a hypocrite. I like to think I treat people how I want to be treated as a rule. I just have a lot of trouble in my blended family letting go of my feelings and looking at my daughters and always knowing what is the right thing to do for them.

Happy Step Mother Day

Today is Stepmother's Day. Whether you celebrate it or not, we hope you remember that Hallmark cards and organized celebrations do not define who you are, or the amazing things of which you are capable. Strive not to be recognized, but to be deserving of recognition. Sleep well at night knowing you do the right things, you take the high road and in the end, you make a difference. Copied from Stepmom Magazine's FBpost


 
 
I'm proud to be a step mother. It's like no other bond. Embrace it. You are not Cinderella's step mother. Let your heart grow natural and the bond will come. Don't give up. I love my step daughter and I'm proud to say we are friends. ~Mary
 

Mother's Day is on hold

This year we chose to celebrate Mother's day next Sunday. Something blended families readjust holidays. This time it's Mother's day. My step daughter is with her Mom and my biological daughter wanted to spend Mother's day with her Grand Mother on her fathers side. I'm good with that. I think that it is important for children to be with family. I would prefer to be with my whole family on a day all about me. Each child is so important to me. Each child has emotional needs that need to be filled if it's my day or not.

So today me and my boys who are with me 100% of the time are playing ball and doing craft projects. Treating today like every other Sunday. Next next Sunday I'll tell you about our awesome celebration.

To you all Happy Mother's Day. Enjoy some of our fun. Oh the doll is Joey's homework it's a 3D portrait of himself not Flat Stanley or a voodoo doll.

Side effects for growing a family too quickly.

At 24, when I had my first baby, my beautiful Marysa, I hand made her bedding, custom-painted her room super girly, piecing together everything just perfect. I made M&M birthday cakes and spider deviled eggs for Halloween. Back then my house had a flow—from the front door to my bedroom—of rooms that had a lot of thought put into them, with matching accents and artwork. My small yard had flowers and strawberries. I still worked full-time; I just had more ambition.

I remarried at 29, adding a second beautiful little girl to the family: Tanner, my husband’s daughter. We moved into a bigger house and had two little girls’ rooms and a new place to make our home. We started off well. I bought fun bedding for my room. I replaced window coverings. I got Marysa's room on track and Tanner's room was in the beginning stages.

Then we got a call from Child Protective Services that my nephew, Joey, needed a home. There were rules we had to follow. Joey had to have his own room, and we had to have it ready long before he got to live in it. So our girls were thrown together in one room, while Joey's room became the main project. The theme: Spider-man!

Meanwhile our two girls got bunk beds. Truthfully, the room was too small for two kids. They had too much stuff and it just looked cluttered. But I didn’t have the heart to take anything out after all the changes they had been through. So we just kept adding more.

I think at this point I became neurotic about space. Instead of starting projects to make our living easier on the eyes, making cookies and gardening, I would move all the bedrooms around. The girls got the master bedroom and Warren and I the smaller front bedroom. It didn’t work, however. The girls’ room was still a growing mess; they wouldn't pick up their toys. Eventually I lost it again.

The girls went back to the small front room. This time, no bunk beds. It worked awhile until the girls became aware of the window was right next to the front door and strangers could walk right up and peek in. In the meantime, we added two new children: Sonny then Declan. So Warren and I moved into Joey's room and our three sons took the master bedroom. But again, I couldn’t take the colossal mess the master bedroom room would become with a bunch of kids in it.

Now the boys are in the front bedroom, the girls in the back, and Warren and I in the master. My next bedroom move will be into a new house. I am ready for it, after five years of quickly outgrowing our home. The girls need to be apart for my sanity. The boys need loft beds to open space to keep their items. I need a mom cave, and Warren needs office space.

Sense my chaos? My house is awful. My life is spent arguing with kids trying to get them to help out, or me doing everything myself, or me giving up. Meanwhile, we are embarrassed to have people over. In the past, I loved to have parties, but I’m in need of a new canvas with less junk and more space.

The bank account is growing, our spare stuff is being donated, and my new house is going to happen. It WILL be cleaner, and I will be proud and have parties once again. Sonny will be 5 in a year, a milestone his Mama wants to celebrate and be proud of – in a new home.