Job hunting

Those who know me know I've been working at Corporation X now close to 11 years. For the most part I've been happy collecting a pay check and coming home to my beautiful little girl Marysa. I was employee of the month, taken out for lunch for being the teams top seller, worked on special project and really felt important. All of what I described was actually Corporation Z. Corporation X took over about 4 or 5 years ago.

Changes began when my office moved, our phone where now computerized and everything we do is watched. Well I still felt good, still had my project and now I was married and going to have a baby. The pregnancy/maternity benefits couldn't be better. I took time off while pregnant for morning sickness and went back to work full time when my baby boy was 13 months old. A week into returning my project was taken from my office. I was on a general billing Que being watched. I missed my baby and was feeling sick again. Well I found out I was pregnant again.

Oy! This time I was sicker, I had trouble focusing and my pregnancy was high risk. My benefits where still good and I took time off for pregnancy related illness and maternity. This time while I was off I was determined in a failing economy to open a home based daycare. Hoping to help low income and student parents. I got 3 clients. Two were drop-in and I had to go back to work. A few days in to returning my billing office was turned in to a sales office, they swept us off to a 4 month training and changed our attendance policy. I was no longer a perfect employee. Not because I had changed but because the company had changed. The job did a 180 degree turn on me. I still had my friends of many years to work with but all of them and I were getting suspended often. What the heck was going on? My thought was we weren't wanted anymore. Attrition. The dirtiest word I can think of. Good, hard workers all on warnings of dismissal, disability from the stress or on programs. My office looked like a ghost town. People who would smile and say good morning lost their luster. The offices around us on our floor where closing, people taking separation packages, or following their job out of state or hanging on praying another position in California opened up for them to more into. One day our Vice President took a new job, and the two or three that followed him did the same until final we where consolidated with the San Ramon business office.

Many of us were mad, all I think where scared and no choice was given. We are now in a high pressure sales office hanging by a thread and stressed. I was suspended on day 2 of the new office. Another rep told management I was on the Internet. I was reinstated into my job with a warning of dismissal if another "Code of Conduct" violation occurred. Well the truth is I wasn't on the Internet. My job makes me panic and I can't find what I need to do what I need to do. In my mind I'm still a customer service rep hired to help the customer. In reality I'm not here to help a customer at all but to find away to have them commit to giving us more money each month. Who cares if they are cared for on a human level any more.

So now I'm here....hanging from a thread that's gonna break. The new attendance policy will never allow me to be a perfect 10 again. I still service when I can but focus on the sales now. I'm good at it. People trust that I'm helping them do what's right for their business to keep them in business. For the most part I do and try to do the right thing. Help who can be helped and keep floating.

I know I've mentioned lots of times my husband is a wonderful guy. He motivates me.... may not even know he does. I hate my job I once loved. I think about my kids growing up everyday and how much I miss. I'm applying for jobs. It's weird. At first I applied for similar jobs. Corporate customer service or sales jobs. I got some calls but my motivation to follow through just wasn't there. About 2 weeks ago the pastor of my church sent an e-mail out to the church family that our pre-school director was retiring and they are looking for a replacement. My dream job. My 3 favorite things under one roof. Working with kids, my love for God and my church and my kids. My heart raced. I called and e-mailed the same day. Then there was the resume.

Oh WOW! I don't have a resume. Every job I've ever got was a referral for a friend, and application maybe a test and I was in. Including the job I have now and the one I had before it at my church. New pastor. Wants a resume. Ugh!!! So I write one. Warren helps and a week later after many drafts I turned it in. My hands were sweaty, I'm sure my face was red and I had awkward small talk with Pastor Jed. We joked a bit like old friends and I left with excitement and sadness. My ego of I can do this was still there but my confidence on proving I was the best choice was turning to jello. How does some see me on paper next to people who have been in a director position before. I'm sure I looked better than some but not to sure.

A week passes no call. I have 2 maybe 3 weeks until I have to go back to Corporation X. I don't want to. The thought makes my body sick. I need a new job. I want to feel like I'll make a difference in people. I don't want to be a random phone call and a potential sale. I want to be part of something bigger.

Today I sent that same resume I handed Pastor to multiple preschools. I got a call. The position I applied for was filled but she said if I was able to got to a difference center she may just have the job for me. She gave me the address. I took a drive to case the area and called her back. Monday I have a set interview. No word of mouth just me, my resume and desire to be someone who can help. A huge pay cut but a chance proud of who I am and someone my kids can look up to. Now to wait calmly and say a little prayer.

the road most taken is it the right road?

July 17th I officially gave 10 years to telecoms. Loudly under appreciated. Sure I had three babies and one adoption, two hernia surgeries and one hospitalization and divorce and a marriage. Over ten years, come on guys life happens. I've been at work reliably ready to take the hit from the nastiest people on the planet. Most of the time taking the vinegar right out of their mouths and replacing it with honey. I am "happy" and "understanding" day in and out. I am dynamic changing as fast as you've asked me to be and sometimes even beating your expectations. I leave my kids mile stones to be seen by strangers, . I don't grieve when I should. I keep my mouth shut and accept the job laid before me and give you my all. I show respect towards authority and I'm a team player.

Why should it be that today I'm sitting by my phone an hour after your under delivered promised call. After a third day of suspension pending investigation for having a web page on my computer. A direct link from you own intra company website. Where I was turned in by a woman who no convincing is needed has sold her soul to the devil himself for $50k+ a year.

I'm not gonna quit. You can give me what I want after 10 years dedicated to you. An open door............

Summer time, summer time, sum sum summer time :-)

Yep it's that time of year. Friday is the last day of school. I'll have a couple of Fourth grade girls in the house a third grade boy and a few quickly growing babies. OK preschoolers. Just like every year before this year seemed to disappear right before my eyes.

Marysa has become a lot more social. Birthday parties, sleep overs, play date, phone calls and text messages. She has developed a sense of style. Teen idols cover her bedroom walls and I embarrass her. I see less and less of a little girl and more of a young lady. Swimming seems to be her sport. She can butterfly life no ones business.

Tanner is blooming as well. He imagination is becoming more refined. She can tell a story I find myself straining to hear what happens next form the next room. She is becoming closer to me again after a few years of pulling away. I can not remember the last time she and I butted heads. After all that's what Capricorns do. She is a kind and loving sister. She even looks less like a little girl. Amazing and blessed to be able to share her life.

Joey..... Holy Cow!!!!!! The kid rocks. He still takes me on a roller coaster but the kid brings tears to my eyes of pride. He tried baseball this year. He's not a natural but a hard worker. His team was undefeated except one game and he came home with the championship trophy. I am most proud that he made strong contact twice in the last game. GO JOEY!!! After the game Joey's teacher left me a voicemail about how he's going to get a surprise medal for math. I am just a beaming proud Mama.

Sonny is my wild child. The child my mother wished on me. He's had stitches in his hand, took a swim with his bike in the canal, licked neighbors trash cans and cars. Pretty much just keeps me on my toes. I can't even brace myself for what he might do next. He's smart, loving and my sunshine.

Oh and no least at all. Declan. I new walker with eleven teeth. He can sing happy birthday all the way through and bits and pieces of various Ramones and The Who songs. He blow kisses and tells you with little frustration exactly what he wants........with WORDS. I don't think he knows he's a baby. It's make my lip frown just enough to wish he's stay my baby baby just a little more.

Just a sweet reminder. I love my husband. We don't get a lot of time one on one in our little house of hyper but love him more and more everyday. End of August will be our 5 year aniversay. In the 5 years I've been proud to be Mrs. Lutz I have watched him transform from a guy with a newspaper job to a guy who has no limits. He is always doing bigger and better. I don't even hope for the next 5 years to be as good as the first. I know they will be better. My best friend and soulmate, father of my children is the BOMB Yay! I am proud of him too.

As of right now I'm looking forward to the summer and spending time with my amazing family. Let Summer begin.

Cats

Ever since I can remember I loved cats.

I found my self living almost an entire life without cats.
We'll cats I got to live with.
I had Spade, in third grade he died. Instead of someone one telling me I felt an absence. I can remember feeling empty. Then run and crying out for him up and down my street until I was told he was killed my poison by a neighbor killing gophers. What the hell are people doing with poison in the suburbs? We live on top of each other and affect lives without ever speaking in scaring ways.

I found random kittens giving them away in front of grocery stores because my Mom had allergies.

I had an apartment with my first husband. I couldn't stand not to bring a neighbors kitten home. Two problems......... he was extremely uncomfortable with his allergies and the Mama cat would cry for her baby outside our door.
Then we had a house and a Tux moved in with us. The x wouldn't let mekeep him inside @night. Martinez swarms with Raccoons at night. They ate his food and he never came back.

I even told him I wanted a kitty for having to go through the crazy physical and mental feeling form my pregnancy with Marysa. He agreed. It was a lie!!!! No kitty.


My divorce.......Mike and Bob moved in. My daughter wasn't allergic thank God. The trained us to open the door, feed and walk them. Bob could chirp and Mike never lost his patience. I got married and Bob was stolen and renamed Gomez by a crazy man at the top of our hill. Tigerlily was brought home shortly after my miscarriage. She stalked Joey for blood. Crapped on me while I slept or in my shoes while I was pregnant with Sonny. When I brought him home she attempted to spray him then adopted her self a baby free home with a mother and old daughter at the bottom of my hill. Mike. He's my heart. I hope he followed his spirt to another good like. Unfortunately I fear the suburbs got him too. I still look for him 2+ years later hoping he'll come home.

Now I have Pumpkin. My unilateral decision. My friend. He's loved and is chubby from it. He's spunky and loyal. He feels pains and stays near to heal. A day plus ago he showed me what it will be like for me as a parent of a teenager. 4am he called me to come in. I just didn't want to get up. He's be fine an hour????????? No he disappeared. I could feel my heart tighten. War I am positive thought I was crazy. I called the shelter and sat at work all day going sick with worry. No Pumpkin when I got home. I'm dead to feeling anything bu sadness and having to do what was needed care for my family. Warren feed the kids. I sat by the window and walked my yard and driveway over and over calling him. Finally Warren takes my two Leger Pumpkin out to look. Calling him comes in side.
Meow! He's home.

I love my kitty. I'm a better person with him. Or at least inside I feel that way. I can only imagine he wasn't gone but comunicating a message with me. I not be lazy in my care for the ones I love most. That my 3 oldest kids maybe middle sized in elementary school now but soon will be teens. Doing things Pumpkin was doing........worring me sick. Heaven help me. Mama of 5 and future cat lady.

Eggs

The little things make me happy. I give my dog Ozzy a raw egg from time to time. My Dad swears it will keep his coat shinny. Today I set a cold raw egg on the ground. I watched Ozzy carefully push it round with his nose, pick it up in his mouth and carry it to the lawn. On the way he dropped it and the egg cracked. As expected. He then nosed the egg around licking up the spillage. It was really fun to watch.

Best reader photos: Will the real rubber ducky please swim forward, a pumpkin chomping squirrel and more - Inside Bay Area

Best reader photos: Will the real rubber ducky please swim forward, a pumpkin chomping squirrel and more - Inside Bay Area

A mile stone for me

Today I brought my family to met Joey's biological sister Ashley. This was huge for me since I have been so protective of Joey for the last four years. Joey is my nephew that my husband Warren and I adopted shortly after we were married. Ashley is his sister from his mother Darlene.

Joey has had so many questions about his brother and sisters and I had no answers for him. I got in contact with his mothers ex-husband who has always been a good guy to my brother before Joey was born, and Joey's hero since Joey was taken from his mother.

A month or so ago after talking to Joey's therapist I decided to contact Skip to see if Joey's siblings were safe and could be in contact with him. Skip put me in contact with Ashley. She and Joey talked to each other fairly regularly so we decided to get together for Joey's birthday at a park.

When we arrived at the park Joey seemed nervous then he quickly warmed up to Ashley. I had to really hold my tears back. They were so happy to see each other. Ashley looks just like Joey. She was there with her dad Skip, fiance' Arther, their two children Matt and Malea. They had birthday gifts for Joey that were an awesome ice breaker. We spent about two hours with their family. Playing football with the kids. Talking about Joey and some of his hobbies and academic achievements. I told them a little history I knew about Joey and they filled in the blanks of some information I didn't know about Joey as a baby.

Over all I thought it was a good day. We may get together again after she gets back from Disneyland.