Job hunting

Those who know me know I've been working at Corporation X now close to 11 years. For the most part I've been happy collecting a pay check and coming home to my beautiful little girl Marysa. I was employee of the month, taken out for lunch for being the teams top seller, worked on special project and really felt important. All of what I described was actually Corporation Z. Corporation X took over about 4 or 5 years ago.

Changes began when my office moved, our phone where now computerized and everything we do is watched. Well I still felt good, still had my project and now I was married and going to have a baby. The pregnancy/maternity benefits couldn't be better. I took time off while pregnant for morning sickness and went back to work full time when my baby boy was 13 months old. A week into returning my project was taken from my office. I was on a general billing Que being watched. I missed my baby and was feeling sick again. Well I found out I was pregnant again.

Oy! This time I was sicker, I had trouble focusing and my pregnancy was high risk. My benefits where still good and I took time off for pregnancy related illness and maternity. This time while I was off I was determined in a failing economy to open a home based daycare. Hoping to help low income and student parents. I got 3 clients. Two were drop-in and I had to go back to work. A few days in to returning my billing office was turned in to a sales office, they swept us off to a 4 month training and changed our attendance policy. I was no longer a perfect employee. Not because I had changed but because the company had changed. The job did a 180 degree turn on me. I still had my friends of many years to work with but all of them and I were getting suspended often. What the heck was going on? My thought was we weren't wanted anymore. Attrition. The dirtiest word I can think of. Good, hard workers all on warnings of dismissal, disability from the stress or on programs. My office looked like a ghost town. People who would smile and say good morning lost their luster. The offices around us on our floor where closing, people taking separation packages, or following their job out of state or hanging on praying another position in California opened up for them to more into. One day our Vice President took a new job, and the two or three that followed him did the same until final we where consolidated with the San Ramon business office.

Many of us were mad, all I think where scared and no choice was given. We are now in a high pressure sales office hanging by a thread and stressed. I was suspended on day 2 of the new office. Another rep told management I was on the Internet. I was reinstated into my job with a warning of dismissal if another "Code of Conduct" violation occurred. Well the truth is I wasn't on the Internet. My job makes me panic and I can't find what I need to do what I need to do. In my mind I'm still a customer service rep hired to help the customer. In reality I'm not here to help a customer at all but to find away to have them commit to giving us more money each month. Who cares if they are cared for on a human level any more.

So now I'm here....hanging from a thread that's gonna break. The new attendance policy will never allow me to be a perfect 10 again. I still service when I can but focus on the sales now. I'm good at it. People trust that I'm helping them do what's right for their business to keep them in business. For the most part I do and try to do the right thing. Help who can be helped and keep floating.

I know I've mentioned lots of times my husband is a wonderful guy. He motivates me.... may not even know he does. I hate my job I once loved. I think about my kids growing up everyday and how much I miss. I'm applying for jobs. It's weird. At first I applied for similar jobs. Corporate customer service or sales jobs. I got some calls but my motivation to follow through just wasn't there. About 2 weeks ago the pastor of my church sent an e-mail out to the church family that our pre-school director was retiring and they are looking for a replacement. My dream job. My 3 favorite things under one roof. Working with kids, my love for God and my church and my kids. My heart raced. I called and e-mailed the same day. Then there was the resume.

Oh WOW! I don't have a resume. Every job I've ever got was a referral for a friend, and application maybe a test and I was in. Including the job I have now and the one I had before it at my church. New pastor. Wants a resume. Ugh!!! So I write one. Warren helps and a week later after many drafts I turned it in. My hands were sweaty, I'm sure my face was red and I had awkward small talk with Pastor Jed. We joked a bit like old friends and I left with excitement and sadness. My ego of I can do this was still there but my confidence on proving I was the best choice was turning to jello. How does some see me on paper next to people who have been in a director position before. I'm sure I looked better than some but not to sure.

A week passes no call. I have 2 maybe 3 weeks until I have to go back to Corporation X. I don't want to. The thought makes my body sick. I need a new job. I want to feel like I'll make a difference in people. I don't want to be a random phone call and a potential sale. I want to be part of something bigger.

Today I sent that same resume I handed Pastor to multiple preschools. I got a call. The position I applied for was filled but she said if I was able to got to a difference center she may just have the job for me. She gave me the address. I took a drive to case the area and called her back. Monday I have a set interview. No word of mouth just me, my resume and desire to be someone who can help. A huge pay cut but a chance proud of who I am and someone my kids can look up to. Now to wait calmly and say a little prayer.