Saturday, December 6, 2008

You make me so crazy

It's been a while. I do have 4 kids, trying to get a degree and work while pregnant again with the worst pregnancy I could have ever dreamed of. I'm done. I publicly hope I have to have a c-section so they can give me a tubal while I am there. I have 5 days until my due date and who knows how many days left to go.......... the wait seems to be eternal. Maybe I died and this is my hell. Wouldn't that be something.

So out with why "you" my beloved make me crazy. You are such a strong person, so beautiful. Yes I've seen it it's maddening when I don't feel like I don't impact you like you impact me. I know I am not always easy to live with but there is a reflection there as well. I am sorry however about tonight. We didn't get into a fight but I let you down somehow. I thought you were joking about wanting to go out. It did not set in until you mentioned you worked 60 hours this week. I think you deserve a break. I feel like I cheated it from you. Somewhere in my thoughts I felt you wanting to go out was to repeat bitter old history from the Buns birth. Things feel different this year. I have more respect for you. We get along better and life isn't any easier. I should have stepped back and just been ok with one night out. I am sorry. I hope if you ever find my pathetic blog you know what this apology is all about and know some are better late than never. I love you more every day and I hope that never ends. You are why I'm so crazy sometimes and wouldn't have it any other way. I am crazy about you. I am sorry.