As you know I adopted my nephew. He's my brother biological son. When my brother came to me and asked me to take his son I made him a promise. The promise was to protect his son. I do fiercely.
My brother growing up was my hero. He was cool and wore a leather jacket and was my rock star. He's eleven years older than I am. As I grew up I learned that the "rock star" I idolized lifestyle was changing him. Now that I'm graying and a few of his hairs have disappeared I still love my brother I just can't hold him in the same lime light I did as a forth grade girl.
My brother is a good person who has a sickness. He's addicted to alcohol. As part of my promise to him and my nephew, now son sometimes protecting Joey means protecting Joey from my brother. My brother in his mind drinks to stay alive. Every time I see him drinking or drunk it hurts.
I have this beautiful strong willed boy in my life that I am terrified will take his first drink one day. I talk open and honest with my son about drugs, alcohol and addiction. When my brother shows up on my front steps unplanned I turn him away. My brother holds back his tears, I get soft with my voice and hold back mine. I turn and tell my son there are rules we follow for his safety and try with every ounce of strength I have to not look in his eyes and show him I'm sad and angry.
The truth is my heart is broken. It has been since the first time my brother let me down. It wont heal since the alcohol has taken away my hero. I worry. I worry about him. Homeless, the people he finds on the street that he shares his life with and who he might bring to my house. This is our safe area. It's hard sometimes to feel safe when he brings by a "buddy"????
I keep moving forward holding Joey's hand when he'll let me. I stopped crying over spilt milk years back. Now I stay strong because there is no other way. I just wanted to share it's hard sometimes.... even when your heart tells you, you are doing the right thing.
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adoption. Show all posts
Monday, October 10, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Just wanted to say...........
Thank you to whom ever nominated me Top 25 Adoption Blogs by Parents . I'm not completely sure if I deserve such an honor but it sure gave the chills and got me some great hugs from friends.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to remember and reflect on our adoption and maybe inspire you to think about an older child who needs a home.
Joey is my brother's son. He was taken by Child Protective Services (CPS) when he was almost 3 years old from his biological mother. My brother was in a recovery program and did not tell anyone this happened. He was working on getting his life on track and believed he could get Joey back on his own. This was extremely challenging for him, and when Joey had been in two different foster homes for over a year, my brother started asking family members for help.
I am the youngest of seven siblings (also a blended family). I was single and planning to elope with my then-boyfriend when my brother asked Joey's social worker about having me take Joey. They called me on the first morning of my honeymoon. My husband and I where sitting in Goofy's Kitchen having breakfast in Disneyland. I looked across the table, and without a flinch, hubs said lets get him.
That was in August 2005. Joey was newly four years old. After background checks, home rearranging and child proofing, Joey joined our family on December 13, 2005.
Joey was very wild and a very angry little guy when we got him. He assumed I was why he was in foster care for so long. It took almost a year for him to know I wasn't going to hurt him, and I was OK. I can still remember the first time he sat on my lap and snuggled down to watch a movie with me. This was our turning point.
The adoption process was long. We had to wait on Joey's biological mother to fail at her reunification plan. Here in California, children under three years are given six months of a plan before being put on the adoption list. Children over four get one year. Joey got 18 months and two reunification plans. I was a told it was an oversight by the judge and nothing could be done.
I was with Joey for a year of this. It was hard on all of us. I spent countless hours calling social workers, and my husband and I spent hundreds of hours with Joey and taking Joey to a county-appointed therapist. Meanwhile Joey internalized and acted out after being let down over and over by his mother and the system.
On January 27, 2007, our long process had come to an end. Joey's biological mother's rights were taken away, my brother gave up his rights, and Joey was asked if he wanted to be our son forever. We appeared in court with friends and family, and Joey closed his own case by hitting the gavel on the judge's bench. Joey became our son until death do us part.
I can tell you from the pit of my soul this child was born to be mine. I love him unconditionally, I'm proud to call him my son. I believe that a person looking to adopt should look into adopting an older "unadoptable" child. No child is unadoptable, and every child should have a home. To adopt, you don't need to have two parents and make a great living. You just have to a big heart and jump though some hoops. Joey's adoption is covered by the county. He has medial and dental coverage until he's 18 years old and gets a monthly allowance. Please don't think you can't afford to adopt a foster child. They need homes, all of them. And there are programs in place that can help.
You may just get as lucky as me and have the pleasure of sharing your life with an awesome little one or bigger one. Just ask Joey. He writes in his journal at school how much he loves his Mom and Dad. He brings tears to my eyes and warms my heart. I love him.
I just wanted to take this opportunity to remember and reflect on our adoption and maybe inspire you to think about an older child who needs a home.
Joey is my brother's son. He was taken by Child Protective Services (CPS) when he was almost 3 years old from his biological mother. My brother was in a recovery program and did not tell anyone this happened. He was working on getting his life on track and believed he could get Joey back on his own. This was extremely challenging for him, and when Joey had been in two different foster homes for over a year, my brother started asking family members for help.
I am the youngest of seven siblings (also a blended family). I was single and planning to elope with my then-boyfriend when my brother asked Joey's social worker about having me take Joey. They called me on the first morning of my honeymoon. My husband and I where sitting in Goofy's Kitchen having breakfast in Disneyland. I looked across the table, and without a flinch, hubs said lets get him.
That was in August 2005. Joey was newly four years old. After background checks, home rearranging and child proofing, Joey joined our family on December 13, 2005.
Joey was very wild and a very angry little guy when we got him. He assumed I was why he was in foster care for so long. It took almost a year for him to know I wasn't going to hurt him, and I was OK. I can still remember the first time he sat on my lap and snuggled down to watch a movie with me. This was our turning point.
The adoption process was long. We had to wait on Joey's biological mother to fail at her reunification plan. Here in California, children under three years are given six months of a plan before being put on the adoption list. Children over four get one year. Joey got 18 months and two reunification plans. I was a told it was an oversight by the judge and nothing could be done.
I was with Joey for a year of this. It was hard on all of us. I spent countless hours calling social workers, and my husband and I spent hundreds of hours with Joey and taking Joey to a county-appointed therapist. Meanwhile Joey internalized and acted out after being let down over and over by his mother and the system.
On January 27, 2007, our long process had come to an end. Joey's biological mother's rights were taken away, my brother gave up his rights, and Joey was asked if he wanted to be our son forever. We appeared in court with friends and family, and Joey closed his own case by hitting the gavel on the judge's bench. Joey became our son until death do us part.
I can tell you from the pit of my soul this child was born to be mine. I love him unconditionally, I'm proud to call him my son. I believe that a person looking to adopt should look into adopting an older "unadoptable" child. No child is unadoptable, and every child should have a home. To adopt, you don't need to have two parents and make a great living. You just have to a big heart and jump though some hoops. Joey's adoption is covered by the county. He has medial and dental coverage until he's 18 years old and gets a monthly allowance. Please don't think you can't afford to adopt a foster child. They need homes, all of them. And there are programs in place that can help.
You may just get as lucky as me and have the pleasure of sharing your life with an awesome little one or bigger one. Just ask Joey. He writes in his journal at school how much he loves his Mom and Dad. He brings tears to my eyes and warms my heart. I love him.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
A mile stone for me
Today I brought my family to met Joey's biological sister Ashley. This was huge for me since I have been so protective of Joey for the last four years. Joey is my nephew that my husband Warren and I adopted shortly after we were married. Ashley is his sister from his mother Darlene.
Joey has had so many questions about his brother and sisters and I had no answers for him. I got in contact with his mothers ex-husband who has always been a good guy to my brother before Joey was born, and Joey's hero since Joey was taken from his mother.
A month or so ago after talking to Joey's therapist I decided to contact Skip to see if Joey's siblings were safe and could be in contact with him. Skip put me in contact with Ashley. She and Joey talked to each other fairly regularly so we decided to get together for Joey's birthday at a park.
When we arrived at the park Joey seemed nervous then he quickly warmed up to Ashley. I had to really hold my tears back. They were so happy to see each other. Ashley looks just like Joey. She was there with her dad Skip, fiance' Arther, their two children Matt and Malea. They had birthday gifts for Joey that were an awesome ice breaker. We spent about two hours with their family. Playing football with the kids. Talking about Joey and some of his hobbies and academic achievements. I told them a little history I knew about Joey and they filled in the blanks of some information I didn't know about Joey as a baby.
Over all I thought it was a good day. We may get together again after she gets back from Disneyland.
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