yawn work

I have been back at my job since Tuesday. I have had no work to do since I can not get into any of the systems. I am more tired than when I worked all day long. Today kicked my butt. I got up at 4:45am and nursed Declan slept until 6 am on the sofa so I wouldn't fall into a deep sleep and then got up. Got ready for my shower that woke Sonny up so I set him up in the bed with daddy watching some public television show. My more than half sleeping husband attempted to soothe my crying two year old the entire time I took a shower. After the shower I picked him up and went to each of the kids rooms to wake them up. Surprisingly they got out of bed and got dresses I set up Sonny on the couch to watch Dora the Explorer and he was happy. I woke Declan again and nursed him a second time before we left. Loaded up the car with all the kids kissed my sleeping sweetheart good bye and left. I took Marysa to school first. It was the first time in a long time I had to drop her off at daycare in the morning. I forgot she likes for me to wait on her before getting out of the car and had to soothe her mini meltdown. Jumped back in the car and wrote Joey a check for hot lunch while sitting at a stop light. Got to my good friend's house who is watching the boys for me while I work two weeks and got Joey off to school, he walks from there and brought my babies into her house. I had to change Declan's clothes seeing that he puked all over his pajamas. I was out her door running at 735am. I reached San Ramon at 810am where I risked a McDonald's breakfast before having to be at work at 830 am. I was lucky and was 10 minutes early and happy someone else got to the door before me since my badge doesn't work to open the doors anymore. I slid into my desk ate my breakfast as quickly as possible and signed on to my work station. I sat at my desk small talking with my co-workers since I can't work if I don't have access to anything. Ten o'clock is my break I sit on the floor of a room full of chairs and boxes of files. I pumped 13 ounces of milk. While pumping I get a text message from Christina that Declan is feeling porky and has 12 ounces left and that will last him until almost 2pm. Holy cow what do I do........I'm thinking formula in the back of my head knowing how bad that would make my sweet baby feel. My anxiety keeps building and building and light bulb turns on. Tack 15 minutes to my lunch for lactation time and take the milk I just pumped to my baby. I get it approved by my manager and run to drive 80 miles per hour to bring my baby his milk. I get back to work 6 minutes late. Crud....before I left on maternity I was on warning of suspension. I can't do that it would defeat the reason to work for two weeks. I ask my manager where I am with sick days and find out nothing to get me in trouble there. That is perfect since my girl friend just sent me a text that her daughter has a fever of 101.3 I decide to leave unpaid for childcare problems and take the hit. I do a quick sweep through Target for dress for Declan's baptism this upcoming Sunday and baby goodies to make pumping easier. In and out in less than 15 minutes. I then book it to Christina's house where my kids are eating and Genna is happy but in pain, she is my friends daughter. I sit and chat about an hour about scheduling and Declan's sudden increase in eating and she's got to leave. I drive a little before Joey gets out of school since it is now 2 o'clock in the afternoon. On the way to pick-up Joey notice Christina's son who has autism is being dropped off to an empty house I call Christina and let her know get Joey and go straight to Target where I return half the things I bought just over an hour earlier in San Ramon, and pick up a few more needed things. Diapers and pull-ups for Sonny and Joey. Get back to the car and go to Wendy's where I get small meals for the kids afternoon snack v-line to Marysa's school and get her. We then proceed on to my sister Terri's house to wait for my parents who arrive less than ten minutes later. I visit awhile, show my dad Declan for the first time. Then my sister is getting ready for dinner. She asks me if she can pick me up a Papa Murphy's take and bake pizza I can cook at my house. That's a pretty good hint she is ready for us to leave. Oh and the comment she would never want my kids. She's just a real trip. My mom thinks she could be menopausal and about to get worse than that. What ever she's Terri and I'm use to this, I'm going to nurse Declan while she gone so I can leave when he's fed. Oh know my breast are way to full and choke him like a person trying to take a dink from a fire hose like they might a garden hose. I have to pump, 8 ounces to be exact before my flow slows down enough to feed my baby who is now hysterical. I calm him, Terri and my dad get back and she asks me if I'm sure I don't want to stay and have pizza with them. What!!! No thanks we will eat at home. I get home my house smells like burnt coffee from the pot Warren didn't turn off and thank the load Marysa and Joey can microwave burittos, that Sonny passed out in the car and Declan is working his way to sleep in the baby swing. I load up the washing machine, the kids makes their lunches for Friday and I ask Joey to take a box out to the rycycle can. Coming back in he slams the door waking both babies and I don't get to eat my dinner that is cooking in the microwave. I put Dora on pick up Declan and nrse both the boys. Sonny can't see Dora good while he nurses so he bites me. Ouch! He and I are done. I give him his bottle and attempt to nurse a hysterical over tired Declan. Send Joey into the bathroom to clean his butt the is caked with poop. His wonderful new problem as of the last few months and cringe. I just can't understand why he is messing his pants again, he's been clean over a year. I finally get to a point where I can put Declan in his bed to sleep, Sonny is lethargic but needs to eat so I grab my now cold dinner and Sonny eats all my potatoes, I finish the turkey and carrots pick up little man as he quietly begs to be let down and carry him off to bed. He feel asleep before I even shut the door. Marysa is 8 and knows she needs a shower so she takes one unprompted by me and goes to bed. Warren is at writer's group and I am alone finally to unwind via this blog post. As tired as I am for doing nothing at my work block of the day I am grateful for this moment alone.

Mom's groups

I recently was invited to join a Mom's group. I went to a park playdate and really enjoyed it. I knew absolutely no one but had fun talking about kids and stuff mom's are doing. My Sonny-bun played nice and slept well after it. I still how ever have no clue how to ask if people want to go to the park or use the website, or take the polls or anything. So once again I am trying to figure out how this works so I started a experiment on Facebook. It's a group for women in general. Mom's, grandma's, single strong women, students just who ever. I posted my first event and I am really hoping someone bites. I have 8 members last count and would love to go on a day trip with some gals before my life gets to crowded again. Wish me luck. I am dying for some social interaction.

The writer and the talker a three part story

If you know me I'm sure I've told you my husband gets frustrated because I talk while he writes. He's told me he's going to write a three part story. Writer meets the talker, writer lives with talker and writer kills the talker. Well I am the talker. If you are a talker you know it's hard not to talk when there is a person sitting there looking like he can talk. Well my writer writes for money and does very well himself. He is the primary income in out household since I started having babies. He writes a lot on the weekend and in the evenings and even attends a writer's group were he submits his own work and critics other writer's work in the group. (I know sounds like homework to me too.) I on the other hand have worked in the phone company for almost 9 years talking to people. I come home and want to chat or even better I've been home for 5 months on maternity leave and crave adult face to face conversation. The hardest thing I have to do daily is remember not to talk to the writer if he has is computer or a book in his hand. He from time to time will ask me something buts needs to answer to be to the point, it is not an invite to have a long loving chat. I could pull all my hair out when he does that. Doesn't he know I have the NEED to talk? I want to talk about random things in tangents, without order and I want him to follow and understand me. If you followed this mess I'm sure you wonder if part three of the story is the writer kills the talker or does the talker kill the writer? I'm hoping not to find out because the truth between us is we do love each other and he swears this story is not in the works. :)

home business vs the job that's waiting

After having Declan I have been worried about affording daycare for everyone. Going back to work means that I pay for Marysa, Joey, Sonny and Declan's childcare bills. For Sonny and Declan it also mean buying extra diapers for those daycare's and Declan will need bottles and food brought for him as well. Before I went on leave I was paying for Marysa and Sonny. Joey my friend was watching and now she's in school full time. My estimate for day care is roughly a lovely grand total of about $3000 a month. I make $3800. Doesn't leave a lot for food, utilities, any fun at all but benefits are included. I wont ever get to see my kids. I have always wanted to raise my own kids instead of paying someone else to do it. While I was out I thought about opening my own daycare. I wont get paid nearly as much as I would holding on to my job but my expenses would drop way down to food, utilities and fun.

My mom had a daycare when I was growing up. I loved coming home to my mom and all the babies. I loved sitting on the sofa and talking to a baby and watching those cute gestures. I loved my mom was there is I wasn't feeling good and I needed my bed to be made and a cup of soup. I loved the songs and the toys and all the noise.

Having five kids of my own I still love those things but the noise at times can get out of control. I never have enough time to do everything. My house is marginally clean most the time if all the toys get put away. Keeping up dishes, counters and floors is hard when you're helping with homework, nursing a baby, making dinner, vacuuming and trying to do home schooling for your self. Not to forget the surprises, leprechaun traps, ER visits, potty accidents, play dates and just needed an hour at the park to burn off energy. I think I stay on top of things alright, marginal but what about when I have other people kids to watch. A few more butts to clean, boo-boos to prevent, mouths to feed, and adults in addition to my own to deal with. At least when I tell my other adult what kind of day I had he may be OK with the dishes still in the sink but my mom never had dishes in the sink, or at least not more than a few. She would get up an hour sometimes more before the daycare opened and go to the Grocery store for milk and bread or mop the kitchen floor. She really was and still is Super Mom. Even though she tells me I'm a better mom than she ever was. I'm sure that's a white lie to keep me motivated to keep trying to do the best I can.

I'm going to open that daycare. My kids at least need to see that I tried to stay home with them. To love them better than the teachers at the YMCA did. Who knows maybe one day I will compare to my mom and inherit the title of Super Mom.

Monday the Childcare Council is coming by before I mail my application in to see if my house might pass the states inspection. I really hope it does...... in the mean time a few extra prayers and good thoughts and hope sent my way wouldn't hurt.

oh Joey ........

You got to love Joey. He has to write about his mom as a kids. He decided when she had pin worms was a good story. I'm not positive that's the best idea he's had. After all I'm his mom.

My three older kids are all so different.

Yesterday was an interesting ride home to say the least. I pick up Joey from school first, he gets to the car in a clod of dirt much like Pigpen from Charlie Brown with an over stuffed backpack. "What's in the back pack Joe?" his response is always nothing, so I probe with where is your lunch box and jacket? "Oh in my backpack."The backpack is huge there has to be more in there.
Second we pick up Marysa. She remembers to wait at the top of the park next to her school. She's standing up there nervous maybe I for got her. Our eyes connect and a since of relief sweeps across her face. He gets in the car and starts crying because she has to sit in the middle row of my van. I have her and Joe switch and peace is restored.
My van isn't so big. My vacuum went out this week so instead of picking up Tanner right away we go pick up the vacuum and drop it off at the service center. The man in the shop shows me that there are 5 of my exact vacuum sitting in a line waiting on repair. So did I get a bad vacuum? But the new is I can pick it up 2 to 3 days. Oh yeah I get gross carpet even longer. YUCK!
Sonny had been calm up to this point really needed to run. I usually get a iced tea about 3ish so we stopped at a McDonald's with a playground. I got Diet Coke since they were out of iced tea and Sweet tea is like ipecac syrup to me. It tickles my gag reflex. I visited with my favorite wheeled chaired friend, this guy I'm not sure what happened but I've seen him at McDonald's for years. He always tells me my kids are going to be 7'1" and wants to know if hey can take a ride on his wheel chair. I think he only likes babies. Declan seems to like him too, flashing him his gummy grins and laughing out loud. The kids play about 30 minutes some kind of tag in the tubes games.
Then we were on our way to pick up Tanner. Marysa is in the back seat and asks if we can change the music. Why? Well it said the word sex in it. I'm trying to let Marysa know sex is not a bad word. It can mean the sex of a person, Male or Female, or something shared between two people who are grown up and in love. She then spits out.."have you had sex Mom?" I'm frozen. This is coming out of the mouth of my little girl who just 3 months earlier witness her baby brother being born. I told her yes that is how babies are made. She got really quiet so I waited a minute and ask if she's OK and if there is anything else. She tells me nope and starts a fight with Joe. We finally get to Tanner's school. I tell Sarah I need Tanner and she calls for her on the 2-way radio. She then tells me I need to sign out Tanner in some book and on the computer daily. Holy Cow what next a finger print and blood sample? The daycare is way to computer ran for me. What happened to people taking care of kids? Tan comes running and we do our sprint back to the car. She's talking to me about something the whole run and I couldn't hear a word. At the car I ask what she was talking about and got her sweet smile and the "Uh I don't remember."
At home the kids are in full swing already to play. I have Marysa and Joe give me the papers that get sent home to parents. Joey is hovering over his back pack looking for his Math test scores and field trip permission slip. I want to see what else is in the giant back pack. OMG........... he has an entire bolt of paper, each sheet wadded up piece by piece. How is that for a backpack with nothing in it?

The Busy Bees Mom's group

Well I feel as if I am getting good at stepping out side my anti-social box. Like I'm anti-social. However I have been at the same job for nine years with the same friends doing the same things. Until I met Warren......and things started to change. I added new friends to my circle, did new organized activities with my kids, had to find daycare for 4 little people and learn how to organize a play date. Well I have failed or at least struggled with a few of these key points in my new life style. My kids beg me for play dates and arranging one seems to be a full time job. So I decided today to RSVP yes to a play date in the park with the Busy Bee's mom group. I recognized one of the women from Facebook and introduced myself. My Sonny bun was not much older that her little princess. They played nicely, thank heavens, and I had a chance to talk about potty training and eating challenges and childhood injuries.Other mom's and kids showed up, my typical nervous word vomit died down quickly with these women. ODD! and I was able just to have a good time. If only soccer mom's were so easy to get along with. I still need to learn to get to know the older child's parent. Ugh!