One of those shopping trips

I am slowing adjusting to life where a big paycheck came in every two weeks in my name to a paycheck that is never consistent as a substitute preschool teacher. Fortunately I'm not a big spender and when ever I need money for food or gas god seems to deliver.

Today Joey needed new shoes. Lucky me my brother always sends gift cards to my kids for Christmas and Joey got his shoes. Target in our town also has groceries and I picked up a few things.

I can't help but try to shop fast when the boys go anywhere with me. A perfect example why is the sweet elderly woman who told Declan not to grab the coffee cup out of the trash and he lost it. When I picked him up his pants were soaked through. Joey and Sonny want everything on the self and I'm broke. It's a hard thing for me to say "No we can't get that." After all my joke for years has been ...Target's the what the heck did I buy for $300 store?

The lines were exceptionally long tonight. My boys stood by me calmly. Miracle. The checker finally rang us up after a 10 minute wait. My boys are still calm.... I'm slightly holding my breath and crossing my fingers at this point. Sure enough after giving the checker 3 gift cards I still owed $41s and had $35. I asked him to take something off and he voided my entire transaction then proceeded to look threw the trash for my gift cards. Fifteen people behind me standing there were asked to go to another line and a woman lost it slamming her cart and throwing an unattractive grown up woman fit. My boys stayed calm.

An hour later still trying to leave Target I was given another $5 credit off my bill for my kids and my own patience. I'm just thankful today I was given that miracle of peaceful boys in the store. They could have easily made an awkward situation so much worse. I don't know if the knew or not but I sure love them.

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday.....

Family day... good idea or bad idea?

Our family has started the year spending time together on Sunday. I love this idea, unfortunately it doesn't come with a natural excitement and ease for all of us.
In our family, change does not come easy. Our first outing was a walk around our local reservoir. My husband and the boys ran ahead while I trailed behind with my preteen who silently protested by walking as slow as possible. The highlight was her little brother teasing her into tears. The day was not a complete failure but not our finest moment.
Yesterday we hit Briones regional park. This time we all started grumpy. I of coarse planned this one off a memory five years back and took us to the wrong location. First party failure. The hike was long and uphill with long drops to the side. This worried me. My little ones were just to fast and careless running along the path. Warren finished the hike with numbers 2 & 4 of our kids while I meandered back towards the car with numbers 3 & 5. We met about an hour latter and a cool face to face with a couple young bulls. Everyone was in good spirit.
No tears....or just for now. The adventure part of the day worked out. However owning your own freelance writing company on deadlines and unfinished homework made us talk about less family days.
No clue if we will hike next weekend? I'm hoping we do. Being unplugged grumpy or not is priceless. My kids wont be small forever.

Mom + braces = Oh my goodness

We went to our second orthodontist visit today for Joey. Our first was a year and a half ago. We were told he was delayed due to his circumstances before we got him. We went through the process of pulling baby teeth and waiting for the new to grow in.

No one told us how many teeth we were waiting on. Apparently it was 14 since he still had 12 to go after . This poor kid complains daily about his teeth hurting and tries hard to keep him mouth closed as to not show people his crooked teeth.

As his Mom I want him to be proud. He's a great kid and super cute. The orthodontist gave us a few options.

1. Wait for his teeth to fall out naturally. The orthodontist told us if this does not happen naturally in 6 months to work with a pediatric dentist and get them pulled. He should have all his teeth in a year and a half.
2. Two rounds of braces. This would have poor Joe in braces for 5 years. Costing us a pretty price of $8000.

My heart is breaking for him. I wore braces for 5 years. I felt a lot better day one. My teeth were shinny. My teeth started shifting and even looked straight in the braces for years before I got them off. Getting Joey his braces now would get them off by freshman year. If we start his braces naturally when he looses his teeth and it takes a year and a half he'll be in junior high when we start and late high school when they come off.  That just sucks! That bill is a hard one to commit too.

Now I'm regretting in the biggest way quitting AT&T. Feeling very selfish pursuing my own dreams. My kids need. I'm sure braces on kid #3 isn't the last of our massive costs of raising kids. Just the first step. Yikes!

My little shop will have to wait. Not closed just be moved down in priority. I may have to go to school at night to improve my appeal to employers. As my skills are very telephone related.  Pray for a Pell Grant. I need another job! Full-time so my kid can grow up confidant and pain free. Now would be great!

The truth is

I've been pretty down lately. The winter typically does this to me. I always blame it on my lame birthday. December 26, who wants to relate their birthday with forgetting and leaving?

So my rant today adds to that. I'm beating myself down. No job. No jobs advertised. My little shop sits listless and people are cleaning house on Twitter and Facebook and I'm loosing my small inch of internet fame as I'm disliked and unfollowed. Now returns are being made.

The hardest part of all this is I'm 36. I have five beautiful kids and I feel like such a cruddy role model. My parents worked hard. We had things. Sure not a lot of time was spent as quality family time but I could look up to them and feel proud.

My kids parent me. If I slip and swear they correct me. They are diligent about doing homework before having fun. Sure their rooms are messy not matter how I nag. I suppose it's the value of being a kid to blame that on. I love them all so much.

I'm up to nothing. I spend a lot of energy on my shop without interaction. I miss my kids all day. I'm just sad . It's the truth.

Time to check-in

Early this year I posted my goals:

New goals

1. This years garden will be fabulous.
2. I will have chickens.
3. Learn to compost.
4. Read more
5. Run more.
6. Reduce house hold clutter by 50%
7. Take family to the snow.
8. Visit 3 state/national parks with the kids.
9. Keep strong with eating and feeding my family healthy.
10. Get Sonny to sleep in his own bed.

Here's my after birthday check-in without my list of why I didn't.

1. We had a fabulous garden. Spinach, corn, tomatoes, squash, kale, carrots, peppers, egg plant, soy beans, bush beans, apples. I grew a lawn my kids played on all year!

2. My chickens names are Sally and buff brahma and Blacky a black Cochin. I love my girls.

3. I can compost! I tried multiple ways and finally stuck with worm composting. It's stink free! Highly recommended. My compost also breads mealworms that are my chickens favorite treat.

4. Read more only happened on-line. I have read up on company after company to make sure what I'm offering in on-line shop my conscious can live with. This year I'll still have this goal.

5. Run more only happened once. That was more than the year before. This year run will change to bike more. I think it's easier maybe????

6. I have rid my house of so much to make it look like I have never touched it. This is my #1 goal for 2012.

7. I officially took the kids to the snow. I wont be doing it again. I hate snow!

8. We went to zero national parks. Still high on the list for 2012.

9. We still eat home cooked food. I just added a second crock pot to the line up and got silicone pans that allow us to do more with our roaster. Still lots of room for improvements.

10. Sonny sleeps with me and I move him. Does that count?

My personal opinion of this year. I can do better and I will. There's a whole new list of goals for 2012 I can't wait to start.

Happy New Year!

Garden dreaming

I think I have a true sickness. My yard looks sad in the fall and winter. A lot of my hard work has ended season and I have cardboard all across my beds to help prevent too much unwanted vegetation growing. My chickens do have half as many grubs to dig up and all my cloth diaper laundry is being hung inside unless a good sun bleach is needed. Then I may even hang them in the fog and rain.

I have six pots on my front step where the sun hits these short winter days. I have greens, spinach and kale seedling growing away. My lights I hang in my garage are in my sons room keeping his turtle warm this winter and I have high hopes of a new house and yard for this years summer garden.

I find my self paging throw Territorial Seed Company's Spring 2012 catalog with an areal shot of my dream homes back yard. Reading ideas, planning a shed with a desk for Lovely Eco Chic to work from while out in the yard with my children, my chickens and my garden. A place where I can even sew.

The yard extends beyond the picket fence.

I should be cleaning my current home. Sending out resumes so I can work for someone? Oh well.... Dreams for now.