Thursday, June 23, 2011

Not a Wicked Step Mother

Where do you draw the lines in your life versus your child's. I as a divorced and remarried parent am bent in all directions the old normal family would never have thought about. I have a step daughter whom lives with her Mother and Grandmother half the time, and my own daughter whom lives with her Dad and his girlfriend just less than half the time.

My heart has always told me to put my child first. For the most part I try to do that. I try to find the good in everyone but I'm also human and my feelings get hurt and causes pain seen or unseen from time to time.

As an example I am not a big fan of my husbands ex. I think she's kind of strange and we have bad blood between us. She wants to make my life with her child as hard as possible. I can say I'm not friendly to her in return. However I get along with her mother and time to time when Tanner is not with us she wants to have a play date with her siblings. That's fine with me. My kids are her family and I'm happy to make play dates. Her grandma is a grandma and has opinions and I do a lot of respectful smiling and nodding when we are together. The kids have fun then I want to go home. Here is a challenge of mine. Tanner asks if her brother Joey can come to her Mom's house and play. I have issues with that. I don't want him there period. It's hard for me to justify sending my child I am 100% responsible for over to my husbands ex-wife's house if she's there or not and be OK with it. However sometimes I wonder if I'm over reacting or not?

Another challenge I have a lot of trouble with is my ex-husbands girl friend living with him. Not because she's a woman and he's moving on, or another mother figure is in my daughters life. They have a one bedroom apartment the three of them live in and I think a young girl needs space of her own or at least her own bed not a pull out sofa bed. I brought this up with him and apparently he believes my frustrations with this situation is his girlfriend whom was a good friend of mine for many years crossed over to the dark-side.  I'm sure I have voiced my concern over the awkwardness of this combo. I can't waist energy focused on his relationships. I feel in the right focusing on my daughter needing space in her own home. Once again with all the messy conversations and relationships here my daughter needs to be first. I hug the girl friend and invite her in to see our chickens for my daughter.  Am I over reacting wanting more for my daughter or am I out of line since I don't live there?

Now I know a lot of my friends are divorced and all the situations are different. I know some that are open and friends with there ex spouses and some that exchange their children in parking lots to keep things neutral. For me I struggle with my feelings of being a Mother, an individual and a hypocrite. I like to think I treat people how I want to be treated as a rule. I just have a lot of trouble in my blended family letting go of my feelings and looking at my daughters and always knowing what is the right thing to do for them.

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