Monday, October 25, 2010

Mixed feelings, confussion or just motherhood

My daughter...... oh wow is she her own person. Part of me is so happy that she is and the other half is hurt. I can't figure out how my Mom became my best friend if I can't even connect with my little princess some times. I am so old and un-cool. Marysa is 9 3/4 going on leaving my house and starting her own life. She doesn't show me a lot of my baby girl anymore. Somehow I still try and treat her that way. I still want to give her too much explanation so she gets conversations and cut her off when she tries to talk. She's always calling me on it. She doesn't play dolls but she collects stuffed animals, only everything is hi-tech, her animals Webkinz needs a computer to make her animals come alive. My computer isn't even good enough for her. Not to mention the Beiber fever. No clue what I'm going to feel like when there is a real boy and not just a Teen Bop poster boy. I guess my little girl is more diva than I thought. I worry I'm not raising her right. I'm worried that I try to be her friend and the mothering gets in the way and visa versa. I worry what lessons and values she'll take from me into her own life. I have big dreams for her and one day I'll have to give those dreams up and support her dreams she doesn't even know she has yet.
I had her Parent Teacher conference at school today. I always get that feeling like when watching a good tear jerker and hope the teacher can't see it. Marysa is excelling across the board. Reading at a 7th grade level and bringing up wanting to take chemistry classes to become a Vet. The teacher conference was about 10 minutes told me how smart she is and how she is nothing to worry about. I guess my baby girl who won my heart with the first look see gave me is now my responsible wonderful young lady who I am very proud of.

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