Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Today is the MRI

Yes I know I already had an MRI a few months back and got diagnosed with a whole mess of issues in my lower back causing pain.We today they are searching for other disorders that can be causing the numbness I have on the right side of my body. Yes my back still hurts so bad some days I just don't get out of bed.

I appreciate the thoughts and prayers and kind words of support you my friends have been giving me. 

The truth is I'm scared. I'm not in my usual frame of mind where I'm happy and working towards a greater cause. I got a certified letter today from my job telling me if my disability benefits don't go from a denied status to a approved status my medical benefits will end August 1st. I have Kaiser. Even when you're talking face to face to a living person at Kaiser you're never talking to the right person and that person is never reachable. Letters from my doctor taking me off work and my diagnosis just aren't enough proof. They want my MRI, x-rays and clinical notes.

I sent my hubs a text message yesterday to just shoot me I can't take this anymore. It was half a bad joke but there is a piece of me that really wants this over and I feel like a guinea pig having layers of trial and error that they can throw away when the insurance is over. I would say I'd just go back to work so they continue on but that will end my career with my job of 11 years since I've been home almost 2 months now. They are corporate and I'm expendable. The fact I'm pretty close to getting my own handicap plaque for my car doesn't count.

Anyhow a few extra prayers, thoughts etc are really needed for me right now. I'm just going to turn to God and know he has a path for me.

Thanks again for reading while I whine.

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